awritinglilypea: (Merlin: Merlin)
[personal profile] awritinglilypea
Title: A Lot to Gain
Fandom: Merlin
Pairing: Leon/Morgana (not really), Gwen/Morgana (unrequited...sort of)
Rating: PG
Complete: Yes
Genre: Angst
Prompt:62. Hiding at [livejournal.com profile] camelot_drabble
Summary: Gwen has been in love with her best friend so long she knows nothing else, and Morgana has been hiding.
Warnings: Contains self-shame
I wrote this after talking with one of my friends about what it was like when he came out of the closet, versus what it was like for me. Might be part of a series.

It was a horrible feeling, being friends with someone and feeling such complete, encompassing love for them.

Gwen knew it was possible that she was being dramatic. She and Morgana had been friends since their first year of secondary school, as young as they were. And even then, at such a young age Gwen had realized the way that she’d looked at Morgana’s brother, Arthur, was not the way she looked at Morgana.

Arthur was a good looking, save the world sort of bloke, if you liked that sort of thing. And she didn’t.

Morgana was like a goddess from ancient times, her skin as pale as porcelain and lips that Gwen wanted so badly to kiss. She could be mean, downright cruel actually, but never to Gwen. And then there were moments when she was so kind, and so stunning it made Gwen ache.

But Morgana had a boyfriend, someone who she loved, and who she would most likely marry.

And so Gwen continued on, trying to pretend she was something she wasn’t, hiding who she was and how she felt and knowing that one day maybe she would get over it and find a woman who would love her just as much.

~

Leon deserved better than anything Morgana was giving him, given the circumstances.

She knew she was being cruel, dating him when she didn’t feel as much for him as she did the person she was truly in love with.

She lay in bed next to him, and looked over at him, wondering what she could possibly do when he loved her and she loved someone else entirely.

Dragging her fingers through her hair Morgana closed her eyes and tried to fight back the tears that so badly wanted to fall.

Gwen.

The only person she had ever been completely and utterly in love with. But Gwen was....her best friend, her confidante and any moment revealing her true emotions would probably ruin whatever friendship there was between them.

She curled up, and flinched slightly when Leon’s arm slid around her waist and he pulled her close.

“‘Gana, as much as I love you...” Leon took in a deep breath and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “You need to stop hiding,” he pulled away and got out of the bed, leaving the room a moment later.

Morgana closed her eyes and cried softly, understanding more than anything what she’d lost with him, and what she could stand to gain.

If only she would stop hiding.

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June 2015

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